Pairing/Characters: Dean/Castiel, Anna
Summary: The day Castiel is ordered to kill Sam Winchester is the day he starts to fall.
Spoilers: It would help to know who Castiel is
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Notes: First SPN fic. I don't think I've got Castiel's voice quite right
The day Castiel is ordered to kill Sam Winchester is the day he starts to fall. It’s just one emotion, but Castiel has no doubt of what it means. He thinks of Anna, who is free to feel and disobey, and he envies.
“You can’t do this.”
“I know,” he sighs. “But I have to. If it’s what Father wants.”
“How do you know it’s what he wants? How do you even know he’s there at all?”
“Anna,” he warns, before realizing the futility. Anna would not fear the consequences of blasphemy anymore.
She turns to stare at him, her eyes blinking curiously, and grins, “You’re falling.”
Castiel feels such fury, he almost shakes. “How dare you,” he practically spits. She merely smirks in response. “Castiel, I’ve never known you to be so angry before.”
He waits for her to leave, and tries to deny her words. The truth remains.
Castiel has felt anger for the first time.
Castiel starts spending more time visible to the brothers. Inevitably, this leads to Castiel participating in activities that an angel should perhaps avoid. That doesn’t mean that Castiel isn’t enjoying his bacon cheeseburger, or the matching expression of content on his charge’s face.
With his mouth still full, he garbles out, “you have tempted me with the forbidden fruit.” Dean snickers, not realizing that Castiel is serious.
He tries not to think of his Father as he asks for more French fries.
Uriel has noticed the changes, and Castiel flees rather than face his brother. He finds Dean desperately going through a book. Sam is not there, spending more and more time with his demon.
Dean does not startle. “Cas,” he whispers. He sounds exhausted. Castiel wonders when Dean last slept.
Castiel cannot explain why, but he wants to hold Dean. He loves Dean far more than he should.
“What do you want Cas?” Dean asks impatiently. Castiel walks across the length of the room so he is inches from the sitting Dean. “What,” Dean starts, looking nervous, before Castiel presses his hand to Dean’s shoulder.
Dean gasps, and Castiel silences him with a chaste kiss. He feels a warmth pooling in his stomach. He wants more.
“Will you fall Cas?”
“I will be fine.” Dean does not doubt him.
Castiel is an angel, and angels do not lie.
Anna is there to greet him when it is over. His eyes are still swollen from the tears he shed. He has never felt such pain, such a loss of the constant safety and love he had felt with his brothers.
“Does he know?” she asks quietly.
She sighs. “Human men are so frustrating.” And that’s what he is now, isn’t it. He laughs because he finds it funny. Anna smiles at him warmly, like a mother would.
Mothers give their children advice, and it is Anna that tells him the most important words of his human life.
“Go to him.”
Dean is dismayed. Perhaps he has made a mistake, and Dean could only love the angel Castiel, not some human. But Dean is an amazing man, and fully deserving of a former angel’s love.
The day Castiel says no might just be the best of his life.